Libido & Nervous System for High Achieving and Anxious Women in Perimenopause with Rachel Dorneanu

Libido and nervous system regulation for high achieving and anxious women in perimenopause can look different when the inner critic is loud, the perfectionism and overthinking takes over.

Perimenopause & The Nervous System

We walk you through the window of tolerance. There is a window where you feel open, curious, engaged, your version of normal. Above it is hyperarousal: fight or flight, irritability, racing thoughts, trouble sleeping. Below it is hypoarousal: withdrawal, numbness, fatigue, the freeze response.

Perimenopause can shrink that window. The same cortisol swings that make you snap at a highway merge or replay a memory from when you were fourteen at 2am are pushing you into hyperarousal, especially if you have spent years overriding your own limits to keep everyone else comfortable. The tools depend on which direction you have drifted. Coming down from hyperarousal calls for deep breathing, gentle yoga, and slowing the body. Coming up from hypoarousal calls for the opposite, a brisk walk, strength training, even sour candy, something that wakes the system rather than soothes it.

Rachel also uses havening, imagining you are brushing negativity off your head, down your arms, off your torso and legs, and out the door. And she talks about hats. Therapist hat off, mom hat on, lover hat waiting in the closet for whenever you remember it’s still yours to wear. One of her clients built an actual hat rack with a fedora for lover mode. I remind you that whatever you are wearing is an extension of your energy, and that goes both ways: you can dress into the version of yourself you are trying to become.

For women whose self-criticism is so loud it feels like another person in the room, the one that says do more, be more, apologise for taking up space, give the voice a name - a men’s name and tell it to shut up.

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"I believe the more we expand our capacity for pleasure, and the more we care for our body, the more deeply in love with ourselves and life we can feel."

I’m Patricia, award winning & certified Pleasurelit Perimenopause Educator & Coach

After growing up as the good girl, becoming a high achiever and later leaving a DV marriage, I became fascinated by what helps us fall in love with ourselves and life. I have explored hundreds of somatic practices and pleasure tools, alongside more than 20 certifications and years of study across health, nutrition, fitness, somatic pleasure & sex, tantra, yoga, and breathwork. I have entered perimenopause myself at 38, which has deepened my understanding of what it means to prioritise your health and pleasure when your body and life changes.

Through my programs, courses, coaching and community club, I help you build a healthy and pleasurable relationship with your body, so you can feel deliciously in love with yourself and life, especially during perimenopause and at times of disconnection.

I’m the founder of Pleasurelit®, bestselling author of The Pleasurelit Way, and host of the Pleasurelit Perimenopause Show, a top 5% globally ranked podcast.

Somatic Sex Coach • Perimenopause • Tantra Practitioner • Advanced Nutrition & Health Coach • Personal & Master Fitness Trainer • Breathwork Facilitator • Yoga Teacher • Former Nurse • Trauma Informed

Choose your path here

Somatic Pleasure as a Portal

This is where the conversation opened into something I care about deeply. I shared a moment when I was overwhelmed and crying, and instead of pushing through it, I gave myself breath, movement, sound and touch. It moved into a self-pleasure session, and I came out the other side nourished. Pleasure is nervous system regulation. It’s one of the fastest ways back into our body.

Rachel and I both use menus for this. She calls hers the affection menu, appetiser, main, dessert, digestif, a way to map out what connection can look like before anyone decides whether sex is on the table. I call mine a pleasure menu. Something that can bring more pleasure into your perimenopause life.

We also talked about the one-five-ten scale for naming where you are at with desire, and the difference between spontaneous desire, the kind that shows up unprompted, and responsive desire, the kind that builds slowly, like hiking rather than taking an elevator. A one means don’t touch me. A five means maybe, with some warming up. A ten means meet me in the bedroom in two minutes. Most of real intimacy lives somewhere in between, a hand held, a back massage, a pinky finger laced through another one.

Libido during Perimenopause

So many women tell me they have lost their libido in perimenopause. Sometimes, when we look closer, it’s self-abandonment wearing libido’s coat, a woman doing duty sex because she believes she owes it, overriding her own no so many times that her body stopped bothering to send a yes. Checking your hormones during perimenopause and exploring other underlying reasons is a great start. We teach women how to explore what they actually want, that a boundary isn’t rejection, that connection comes in more forms than sex and how to communicate your needs, desires and limits.

Rachel is a licensed therapist, an AASECT certified sex therapist, and the owner of Sage Counselling and Wellness. She works with a lot of anxious, high achieving, people pleasing women, the ones who grew up as the good girl. You can find Rachel here⁠

With love & pleasure,
Patricia

Award Winning & Certified Pleasurelit Perimenopause Educator & Coach

*Disclaimer: Please listen to your body and honour your own needs while engaging with these practices and conversations. Not every practice is suitable for every person, every body or every season of life. This content is shared for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical, psychological or therapeutic advice.

Pleasurelit®

pleasurelitmail@gmail.com

Award Winning & Certified Pleasurelit Perimenopause Educator & Coach

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